Saturday, June 30, 2012

A change of pace...

So, I made a big change on Friday.  I've been doing Nutrisystem for some time now and doing well.  I lost almost 18 lbs on it.  The problem was...My motivation was waning and my boredom increasing.  I wasn't sticking to it as closely as in the beginning and found myself nearing a point of stopping all together.  So, instead of letting myself completely give up...I decided to just make a change.  So, on Friday, I cancelled my Nutrisystem and signed up for Weight Watchers. 

Yesterday was my full official day on Weight Watchers and I'm already feeling rejuvinated.  I spent some time on Friday looking up new recipes and just overall exploring foods and their point levels.  I'm feeling really good about this.  The thing that I'm excited most about (and was worried most about with Nutrisystem) was that it is teaching me how to eat regular food.  I was worried about making that transition once I reached my goal weight on NS and felt that I wouldn't succeed as much when going back to eating regular food.

Now, with weight watchers I feel that I can learn the right things.  The right foods, the right quantites...

I've got a ways to go still, but I'm feeling rejuvinated and excited again and hope to keep going strong!!!

Thursday, June 7, 2012


There are definitely moments in life (both good and bad) that will stop you in your tracks and steal your breath away.  I had a few of those yesterday.

Yesterday was a rough day for me, I was struggling...fighting an internal battle with myself.  I've known for quite some time now that I am a self saboteur.  When I'm feeling good about myself I thrive, I flourish and I make amazing decisions for myself.  When I'm not feeling good and when my depression is rearing its ugly head...I struggle, I fight, I undo all those good decisions.
This is why dieting is so difficult for me.  When I'm feeling good, I make amazing plans and map out what I can do to make myself healthy.  When I'm feeling good, I stick to my diet so amazingly well that I surprise even myself.  But...
When I'm feeling down and low, I skip meals or I gorge myself on unhealthy choices.  Because I don't matter enough to be healthy.  Why should I care if I'm overweight or if I can fit into a single digit size jeans?  Nobody notices me or pays attention to me anyway, right? 
Then these thoughts trickle into other areas...The biggest one is my doubt about my worth to be with my husband.  Why would he love me?  Why would he care?

Usually these thoughts are short lived, sometimes they are not.  Throughout most of the day yesterday, I was battling this.
Until my husband got home.  It's usually when I'm not actually in his presence that I feel these feelings of self doubt and worthlessness.  He is SO good at making me remember myself just by him being around me. 
I'll catch him watching me as I'm doing mundane things around the house, or even just the little butt slaps I get as he's walking past me in the kitchen...These things manage to start to erase all those thoughts.  I don't know how he does it, but he does.

Then...He said something that completely wiped out every bad thing I was thinking and feeling yesterday. 

We were out for a walk with our dog shortly after it had finished raining.  We were walking under a tree that suddenly blew in the wind and dropped quite a bit of cold rain drops right on our heads.  I started giggling and laughing at this.
He sighed and smiled and said, "I love it when you laugh like that".  I looked at him and said, "Oh yeah?".  He simply said to me then.  "Yes, it's peaceful."

How did I get so lucky in life that I have a man in my life that loves me so much that his presence alone can simply lift my spirit?  How did I get so lucky that I am  married to somebody who is so soothed by me as well and finds my laugh to be peaceful?